Communication with Compassion Creates Connection

Communication without compassion rarely brings relational connection. When we keep the fundamental differences between men and women in mind, we will become more empathetic and understanding towards each other. Remember women need to feel connected to their spouse, and men need to feel respected.

Communication is not always the answer to creating a healthy relationship. Of course, in all relationships and especially marriage, communication is integral to developing an ongoing mutual connection. But when two people communicate in ways that are not beneficial, it can be destructive.

Building a good marriage comes down to having positive communication that is based on compassion and empathy, as well as having lots of forgiveness, intimacy, sex, and excellent problem solving skills. A lack of any of these things can cause a disconnection between two people in a loving relationship. Problem solving skills are essential because all marriages go through periods of suffering and challenges. When a couple is committed to working through problems with an eye toward discovering the solution, they stand a much better chance of enduring through hardships. Being problem solvers will help a couple work through financial difficulty, health issues, disappointments and setbacks. Forgiveness is essential to moving past the human shortcomings each person brings into a relationship, and intimacy and sex are what keeps a couple in tune with one another.

For the balance of this column, let’s look at the communication aspect of loving relationships between a man and a woman.
The Bible says in Ephesians 5:33 “However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband, that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly.”

This verse provides a glimpse of the fundamental difference between men and women. It also holds the key to communicating effectively. To have a healthy marriage, a man’s communication and action must confirm and demonstrate his love for his wife, and the woman’s communication and action must confirm and demonstrate respect.

It is true that women have a greater need for connection, whereas men have a greater need to feel respected. That’s why when a man doesn’t express his loving affection; there is a problem in the marriage. One recent survey showed that two-thirds of all divorces were initiated by women, and the number one reason for the breakdown was a lack of connection. Obviously, there are a lot of men who have trouble keeping a connection alive with their spouse. It comes down to the daily things in a marriage: Paying attention to things that are important to her, expressing affection, showing her you care by helping around the house or running her a warm bath at the end of a hard day. All those things send a message that she is loved.

Likewise, women need to ensure they aren’t sending disrespectful messages to their spouse. Complaining and blaming him for all the things that are wrong will make a man feel like a failure. Men are by nature problem fixers. His self-worth diminishes when his wife continually focuses on things that are wrong that he can’t fix or blames him for everything. Essentially, the best thing a woman can do to keep her marriage healthy is to show her husband respect by avoiding laying blame and heaps of shame on him, and offer praise and acknowledgment for the wonderful things he does.

One final point about communication: it doesn’t work without compassion and empathy. Conventional wisdom says a couple must talk their way through any marital problem. But words that aren’t carefully spoken can be destructive. Compassion is having sympathy and concern for the sufferings of another, and empathy is simply understanding and sharing the feelings of your loved one. When you keep the fundamental difference between men and women in mind, you will become more empathetic and understanding.

When you strive to always be compassionate, your relationships will rise to a whole new level.

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  1. Glenys says :

    So wisely said!

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